I don’t read the “big kid” news. But when I do, I count on only the finest: The Daily Mail. Though the British paper is far from being a beacon of truth shining bright in the sea of uncertainty that is “the media,” I simply can’t resist the way they bear the cross of political conservatism while simultaneously giving precedence to completely obscure and irrelevant American news items. Plus, I read the articles with a British accent.
After the cut, five reasons why The Mail is boss.
Last month I introduced my readers to one of North Carolina’s finest: Sean Harris, a pastor from Fayetteville, who asserted that parents should beat the gay out of the children. Well the goon I’ve got for you this week will give Sean Harris a run for his money.
Hailing from Maiden, North Carolina, I give you Charles L Worley, pastor of Providence Road Baptist Church. On the heels of the very disappointing passing of Amendment One here in the Tar Heel state, Worley went on a truly despicable rant in response to Barack Obama’s recent endorsement of same-sex marriage.
Prepare to be horrified after the break.
Here’s a spoof of TLC’s controversial Toddlers and Tiaras, capturing a “day in the life” of Destinee Skyy, a six year old beauty queen preparing to compete in the Glitz-issippi pageant.
HBO, the network solely responsible for perpetuating a massive worldwide misunderstanding of sex and New York City, is attempting to make restitution with Girls. The show follows Hannah (portrayed by creator and writer Lena Dunham) and her fresh-out-of-college cohorts as they take on Brooklyn, the borough decidedly overlooked in most New York-based TV dramas.
Find out why I take offense after the break.
Former Alabama gubernatorial candidate and Birmingham city councilman Bill Johnson believes in good clean family values. So strong are his convictions that he is now asking his wife of eight years and her three adult children to journey to Kiwiland to be near the multitudes of unborn babies he fathered through internet sperm donation. Wait, what?!
Jodi Rock, a 19-year old from Tahlequah, Oklahoma is being held on $200,000 bond for suspected child abuse. The evidence? Broken bones and severe flat iron burns on the genitals of her fifteen-month old son. Read all about this bitch after the break.
Women, not unlike birds, are wild and elusive creatures that can be tracked, identified, and — with the proper tactics and handling — captured. At least that’s the premise of Field Guide to Chicks, a new book detailing 92 “species” of women as documented by bird female enthusiast Joe Bovino. Prepare to be offended after the break.
Today I stumbled upon a blog penned by a French émigré dwelling in the heart of suburban Texas. Despite having a giant mansion and material possessions to her heart’s content (afforded by her husband’s high-paying American job), she is very bitter about her new nesting ground and speaks of the Lone Star State (and the USA) with great disdain.
While I don’t sympathize with this bitch at all (after flipping through her posts, I came to the consensus that she needs a piece of wood jammed up her happy hole pronto), I have found myself growing very frustrated with my fellow Americans as of late. Think about it: wouldn’t America be a better place if Americans didn’t live here? (Octomom, Paris Hilton, the combined populations of Virginia and West Virginia, The Kardash… I mean Those Who Shall Not Be Named…) Anyways, it’s list time: these are the top things I hate to hear Americans say. Read on.
Time magazine is running a cover story on “attachment parenting” — a controversial brand of child rearing centered in excessive coddling (er… “nurturing”). While the subject matter is sure to raise a few eyebrows, the real shocker is the corresponding cover image, depicting a mother nursing her disturbingly alert child. Go ahead… take a minute to mull that one over.
I’ve made mention of North Carolina’s Amendment One before, and today I took my opinions to the voting booth. (Read more about the amendment, my opinion, and the vile actions of its proponents here).
After hitting the polls this morning, I posted a snapshot of my ballot on Facebook. That’s when this guy — some dork I went to high school with (and used to throw popsicles at during lunch, if memory serves) — commented “off my page with you” and deleted me. The best part: his profile pic is from his recent wedding.
I’m too angry to try to put this elegantly, so please excuse my less-than apt diction but: WHAT THE HELL?!
Clit The Blog 